The World of a Freek

I literally… cannot express the pain I’m in. It’s so very deep and soul-shattering. I just can’t imagine dragging my feet through life like this any longer. I don’t thrive, I only survive— and only barely. If I can’t have it all, I don’t want any of it. If I can’t have the best of life experiences— knowing and being with that one true love— I honestly don’t want to ever be in love again. And what is life without love? Meaningless. I’m gonna work extra hard on getting my books finished, because that’s the only thing keeping me here anymore. I want to rest when they are done. FInally rest and remember what peace is. I can’t be in pain like this anymore. I won’t. Fuck everything. I don’t know happiness and I never will again.

I’ve never felt so shitty in my life. I want it to stop in anyway possible.

(… for a reason.)

5th October 2012

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I’m going to spend the rest of my life regretting your decision.

A part of me really hopes you do too.

4th October 2012

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You’re the worst soulmate ever.

You should have at least had the decency to tell me you didn’t love me anymore.

3rd October 2012

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The ocean was a black hole.

If you were made a slave, you would not fight for freedom. If you were dying of a fatal disease, you would not fight for life. If someone who loves you with all their heart walks away, you would not chase them. You wouldn’t even lift a finger. You are a complacent, passive, apathetic excuse for a person. You’re not an ocean, full of life and love and light. You’re just a cold black hole, where I send my love and hopes to be destroyed. Nothing survives. Nothing returns from the black hole. No reciprocation. No communication. No love. Its sad. Im sad. Catching me would have been so easy.

3rd August 2012

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